Sweet Savory Sustainable

Spoiler alert! There is no official guide. In fact, your guide won’t look like my guide. There will be ideas shared but it boils down to everyone is built different and everyone has different needs.

This morning, as my dogs and I approached the trail to start our trek, my fanny pack slipped down my hips to the ground. WHAT? Is it too big??!?!?

I buckled it again thinking I didn’t have it on correctly. I took a few more steps and once again it fell to the ground. Well shit, finally. It’s never taken me so long, in all 49 years of my life, to reestablish healthy habits. It was so much easier in my 20s and 30s. Hell, even after 2 turbulent pregnancies I was able to lose 100 pounds what seemed to be within a year. But my 40s presented a different picture.

To be clear, it wasn’t just because of age and what women experience as they enter the stages of perimenopause. It was because I stopped caring for myself as I had been previously. Layer on the extraordinary changes a female experience as she enters a new stage in life… the uphill battle I was about to experience was going to be the most challenging phase of my life to date.   

Early 2022 I slowly stopped taking care of myself. I was depressed and fighting to stay above water. I had two sons to care for and a career to keep afloat, and no village or partner support. I was in thick of perimenopause, saturating myself in whisky and erasing all good food habits I had previously established for myself. By the end of 2024 I was drinking a handle of whisky weekly and ate more fried food than green food.

Why was I on this rollercoaster of sabotage?

In July 2021 I became estranged from my entire material family unit while struggling to keep my marriage afloat. October 2021, I battled to keep my job due to government regulations. November 2021, my father died, we never had closure. Around December 2021 I started drinking after being 16 months free from alcohol.

At the beginning of 2022 the manager I built a team with over 8 years’ time left, causing a spiral of leadership and management changes. In 1 year, I had to release several of my own team members and watch so many others leave. In 2023 I lost a friend to cancer. She was only 50. I had no one in my village to lean on or release to. Relationships became strained all around me.

I stopped sleeping. My joints ached. My skin itched. My hair was dry. I was gaining weight daily, swollen, puffy, tired. The slightest inconvenience and I lost it. I was in the thick of perimenopause. The overconsumption of alcohol, lack of nutrition, and no physical care put me in a spiral. I stopped doing all the things I loved. I stopped caring for my garden and my chickens. I stopped creating good food. I stopped drawing and painting. My poor dogs missed their hikes … I was killing myself slowly.

At the end of August 2024, I began to regain consciousness. I had to make a change. I didn’t want to die. I had boys to raise and a life to live. I was mad. Mad at myself for allowing the lack of support and bullshit of others destroy me. I stopped waiting for help. I understood the only one to help me was me.

I saved my money and invested in a new chicken coop. I had the old one demolished and with my own two hands built a new chicken run. I cleaned out the garden and invested in galvanized raised beds. It wasn’t easy because I was so overweight, but it was so good to get outside and move again.

I attempted to meal prep, making overnight oats and salad jars again. Exercise was the most difficult because I couldn’t sleep. I commute 80 to 100 miles daily for school and sports. Then layer on my career as a technical data analyst. No sleep means not waking in time to exercise and by evening I was barely keeping my eyes open to prep for the day ahead. Unfortunately, I was still drinking. I didn’t want to accept that despite all my best efforts, if I didn’t stop, I was going to die.

November 2024, I experienced a skin infection I couldn’t heal because I was unwell internally. Despite trying to treat it, the doctors failed me, misdiagnosed me, blamed me, and caused me to become terribly ill for most of 2025. The skin infection took over my body so I couldn’t move. I couldn’t drive without pain. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t do the basics of life. December 2024, I stopped drinking. I knew if I was going to heal internally, I needed to get rid of every toxin and that included alcohol.

In Spring of 2025 I lost a friend to a massive heart attack. His last words to me, on a post I wrote about life changes, was “Impermanence”. Three days later he was gone. He was only a couple years older than me. At the same time, my landlord of the last 13 years, was experiencing their own health battle. She was a mother figure to me. Although a landlord, she provided a level of support and guidance over the years that read mother figure. She never had kids of her own. In the dark early morning hours of September 2025, I watched her partner say goodbye as they loaded her in the ambulance. Both were amazing people, they worked hard and did the best they could, but their health was already strained before the inevitable. It was a serious wake up call for me.

The losses seemed to compound. Despite, I have stayed away from alcohol. I kept working on meal planning incorporating good nutrition back into my life, but exercise had and has been the biggest challenge. The skin infection made it so I couldn’t move at all. Even a basic walk caused it to flare and spread. I spent most of 2025 on a plethora of pharmaceuticals and other meds.

I have since resolved my skin infection because I advocated hard for myself. I did the research and I did the testing. Most of my doctors failed me. It took 17 months of my life away and stacked on over 75 pounds to my 5’6 frame.

Suddenly, I am facing the final year of my 40s. I spent the last 4 years fighting to get my life back. Early 2026 I started walking again and within the last month I’ve been working on a PT strength and mobility program. This time I am starting with 75 extra pounds on an aging menopausal frame. Holy shit, this sucks. How could I have allowed this to happen? Everything hurts when I move and no doubt. Your joints were not meant to carry this much extra weight. I am also no longer producing the hormones I need to repair, recover, and rebuild in a timely manner as used to.

I realize I can’t approach weight loss and health care the same. It is a hard pill to swallow at this stage in life when everything takes SO MUCH MORE TIME AND EFFORT. At 49 years, I have less time in front than I do behind me.

Yesterday I watched a short clip of a women, in her 40s, who was once 300lbs. She lost 170 pounds naturally. She talked about the mindset of consistency as well as what consistency really looks like. It took her over 4 years to lose it and maintain it. In a time when a shot of peptides gets you to lose 15 pounds in a month, it can be discouraging to those who are not taking that route. It takes time. Slow and steady wins the race because it is better for your body to retain lean tissue and muscle mass and avoid deficiencies.

It’s taken six months to lose those 2 inches which also includes 20 pounds. Why? Because true consistency is 10% today and 50% tomorrow and 30% yesterday. It takes time to build habits. I can’t jump back into lifting heavy 5 days a week and walking 8 miles a day (this is what I was doing up to 2022) – that is the quickest way to failure and injury which then delays the process longer. Instead, I’ve been walking with my dogs again slow and steady, a couple miles a day. I also incorporate 20 minutes at least 3 days a week of the elliptical or walking pad (lots of backwards motion to help rebuild my knees). I’ve joined Jen.Health where I’ve been focused on rebuilding my strength and mobility. Jen is a Dr. of Physical Therapy. Since I’ve been working on her Longevity program, my knee pain has been reduced. I know weight loss is a part of that, but I am able to build strength and increase range of motion with her program because of its slow steady progression. I still have a lot to go but I know I am taking the correct steps to get there.

So, what have I learned from all of this? Not to allow others to penetrate your space. Only you can help yourself. Bad days will come, it’s inevitable. It’s how you chose to allow them to impact you. You can only control yourself. Everything else must be released. Be kind to yourself. Alcohol is poison. Everyone needs therapy so don’t take it personally. The basics are all you really need. Fresh air, sunshine, basic movement, lifting heavy things, play with dirt, create with your hands, draw a picture, dance in the rain, eat whole real foods, and all of this will allow you to sleep well. I’m still working on getting there but at least I have a … ok so maybe there is a guide 😉