Happy New Year! It is still hard to believe it is officially 2020. Honestly I still feel like it’s 1995.

A decade has come to a close and a new decade is upon us. 2020 is considered perfect vision and I’d like to think that after the past 10 years my vision is finally clear. You see, this is not my first time writing about weight loss, fitness, or mental health. Since the decade started, I’ve lost 100 pounds two times over. This was due to extremely difficult pregnancies and an unhealthy outlook on myself. Sadly the weight continued to return. From the start of 2010 over the past 10 years I’ve spent learning how to be a mom, fully devoting myself and every moment of my time to my family. I completely lost myself and my identity in the process.

Around the summer of 2018 I had about enough and I started to dig my way out of a decade (possibly a lifetime) of funk. After months of research I came across a woman who lived in Denver. She was young. She was an athlete. She was preaching some pretty back to basics information that just clicked. She was in the process of developing an online subscription fitness program and recently became co owner of a gym in Denver, CO . You know a million people can tell you the same thing but it will be just one person who says it or performs it in a way that just gets through. Tara broke through.

The following is a testimonial I wrote the first week of January 2019 about the fitness program TL Method and how it has drastically changed my physical and mental health. It is January 1st 2020 and I’m revisiting this write up, realizing not much of my thoughts have changed so I want to share it again. I can’t thank Tara enough. I also can’t thank my team enough. I hope you enjoy. I’ve also included some photos and sample workouts from the program for reference. One of the biggest things that still rings true is that I’m just going to keep going. I’m not going to stop working my ass off to do better and be better than I was yesterday. My life depends on it and I will become a better mom with it. Thank you for reading and thank you for your support.

PAST POST: Let’s talk about mental health. Let’s talk about fitness. Let’s talk about food. Let’s talk about resolutions & goals.

We’ve made it through the first week of 2019!  High five! The first couple of weeks of the new year seem to be flooded with blueprints for resolutions, reinventing, trying new things, setting new goals.  I believe goal setting is important and I definitely believe in trying new things but I wanted to do something different this year. I’m going to simply keep going. I am going to keep working hard. I am going to keep pushing myself to be better than I was yesterday and the day before.  That’s it. Nothing drastic, nothing out of reach. It is sustainable. I’ve made huge strides in 2018 as it relates to my mindset, my mental & physical health, so I’m just going to keep working hard in 2019 and trying to be a better me every day.  That’s it.  In the past I would set out these giant, unobtainable lists. The ideas are grand but not sustainable by any means.

2018 was a year of lessons, a lot of opportunities to challenge myself and operate outside of my comfort zone.  It was also a year of learning to be comfortable in my own skin.  Sounds a bit odd at my age, but it happened.  Since childhood, I’ve not had a healthy view of what being beautiful & fit was. I had curves and I was beautiful but I didn’t see it as such. I always wondered why I was always more developed than others and it made me embarrassed. I hid under large sweatshirts and baggy clothes.

It has taken years of hard work but I’m learning to have a healthier view of myself vs. what I’ve been fed from childhood. It’s taken time to understand everyone’s body composition is different and that is OK. Once I had my two boys, I struggled with my new body even more than before. There are a lot of stretch marks, scars, and extra skin.  Mentally I was fat, ugly, and exhausted.

Over the last 8 (**now 10 yrs**) years, I’ve lost 100 pounds, twice, after each pregnancy. I experienced difficult pregnancies so physical activity was null each time. My system and metabolism were shot from the hormone changes as a result . I met my weight loss goals each time but my mental goals were far from attained. I obsessed over the number on the scale vs. how my body and mind felt. This was probably the worst part of the process. You believe you’re working so damn hard but yet the number on the scale doesn’t move. I struggled with food. Large portions and emotionally eating. Not necessarily bad foods; simply lacking balance. I would restrict myself from carbs or other foods that made me happy. In my life, restriction equates to failure. I need to be able to sustain the lifestyle and keeping myself from something I loved was making it hard for me to maintain.

For those who have been following me for some time you know I like to cook a lot of good food and drink lovely drinks. This makes me happy and taking away those things was breaking down my mindset to keep going, to be consistent .

2018 I made the year to get comfortable with being uncomfortable; trying new things and stepping outside of my comfort zone. I’ve got two boys. I’m still young (definitely at heart). It was fucking time to get off this emotional roller coaster because I have a life to live.  

I did a lot of research, seeking out communities I could relate to.  Growing up, I watched my hard working, single mother use free weights and workout in her living room every evening no matter how long or difficult her day was.  She loved weightlifting.  I remember, I was of preschool age, waiting in line with my mom at a local gym grand opening to get Rachel Mclish’s autograph. Her influence guided me as a teen to purchase my own set of weights & strength train at home.  In my 20s I dove into yoga under Ben Thomas who was a direct student of BKS Iyengar.  In my later 20s I began Sanshou with Cung Le at his Santa Clara gym.  Weightlifting, yoga, and mixed martial arts were all components of fitness in my life as I got older. These are communities I sought out to guide my mental & physical groove today.  It took a few months of trying new things; 8 week yoga or animal flow programs, kickboxing, kettlebell & body weight challenges.  All things I loved but nothing was resonating, still I kept going, I kept trying new things.  The cool thing about exploring new programs was opening connections to people I would not have come across before. This brings me to Tara Laferrara.

I’ve been following a lot of personal trainers on Instagram over the past year. This is how I discovered Tara. May of 2018 I did her 7 day body weight challenge.  After the challenge, she offered an 8 week program that included 6 days a week of planned workouts from weightlifting, body weight, yoga, and mobility exercises. Along with the program came an accountability group.  The accountability group was WAY out of my comfort zone. The program as a whole, included everything that fired my soul. The major plus is I gained a group of supportive people who helped me get through mental challenges. The group on Facebook is private (some of us connect else where as well), and lets you know you’re not alone on the journey.  After the 8 week program she launched a full membership, called the TLMethod, very similar to the 8 week program. I’ve been a member ever since.

I’ve had gym memberships and I’ve signed up for online workout communities but I never stuck with any of them. I live in the country. I don’t have a lot of options close to me. Any extra funds fuel my children’s & husband’s extracurricular activities (Jiu-Jitsu and Mountain Biking). I have a very full schedule and no extra child care. I need something flexible, cheep, and that I can do at home with the equipment I have.

Let me preface this is not a paid promotion. I believe in the program and the support of a community, whether it be live or online. The TLMethod is a program I access via my phone or laptop, anywhere. Over the years I have been gifted or acquired free weights ranging from 1 to 35 pounds. I invested in resistance bands and makeshift certain household items for benches or steps. These, in addition to my body are the only tools I use in the TLMethod. I plan my day to ensure I make time for myself but I don’t have to think about workouts that will challenge me and provide results, Tara does it for me, 6 days a week.

The key statement here is “make time for myself.” Life happens. Life is always going to happen. Life will always provide some road block, speed bump, something to challenge my day to day. How I chose to react to the situation will determine my success to keep going. I also have to make a conscious effort to ensure I make time for me to take care of me because no one else will do it for me. If I am no good to me, I will be no good to anyone else. The work, the chores, the challenges will be there but those moments for you will not. We’re only given so many hours a day. Be wise how you use them.

The program and accountability group is comprised of so many different people, so many different components, yet we’re all showing signs of success through our various journeys. Some Vegan, some Vegetarian, some on Keto, some just going with the flow. Minimal judgement yet full support of the journey. I chose to stop restricting myself and just made better judgement on size and moderation.  I eat everything that makes me happy, but I am smart about the process. 

I wish I could say what the ahha moment was for me.  Possibly seeing the progress.  I stopped obsessing over the number on the scale.  I’ve kept some measurements to give me a gauge but the big win, the success has been how I feel about me.  I feel good.  I feel strong.  I feel beautiful.  I read something about progression photos and how the photo doesn’t show how your mind has progressed. I have no idea how many more inches has been lost since I started this journey and I don’t care. What I care about most is how I feel physically and mentally and right now… I feel fucking awesome!

My journey has been a long one.  I’ve struggled with my mental outlook from childhood to present day.  The addition of becoming a mom made the struggle that much more difficult.  The journey through this program has made me love how I’ve grown.  I love how strong I am.  I love me.  So this new years, I’m going to continue being a bad ass and working hard to be a better me every day.  Ending with an example workout that is part of the TLMethod program . 

Tomorrow I keep going no matter what. This year… I’m going to keep going.  

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